The Seasons No One Prepares Us For

Written By: Stacy Whitenight

Nobody warned me how hard it would be to just exist as a woman. To become a mom. To become a partner. To age. To lead. To break ground in spaces that were never built for me. To do it all while trying to find joy along the way was hardly ever a priority. I’ve spent most of my life being told I was strong, resilient, capable. And I am. But lately, I’ve come to understand that being “built for hard things” doesn’t mean you should be surrounded by them all the time. It doesn’t mean the world gets to pile weight on your shoulders just because you know how to carry it.

Why Seasons? 

I’ve always known life happens in seasons. I’m a bruja—we just know. But lately, it’s felt like I came up for air and suddenly the entire world around me is shifting. Transitions everywhere. In the world. In my community. In my body. In my career. It’s like I lifted my head and chaos was in full bloom.

And yet, in tech (where I’ve spent most of my career) we don’t make room for seasons. We pretend life is linear. We build roadmaps and org charts and OKRs like everything is controllable and tidy. But it’s not. Life isn’t tidy. Growth isn’t optimized. I know because I tried. I chased titles. Visibility. The kind of performance metrics that capitalism rewards. And I did it out of sync with who I was becoming as a person. As Stacy.

If you’ve ever felt off-track, out-of-sync, or like you’re growing in the wrong direction, let me just say: you’re not broken. You’re in a season. And you’re not alone.

The Myth of Arrival

There’s this lie we tell ourselves; that there’s a moment when we finally “arrive.” When the job, the title, the salary, the speaking gigs, the book, the recognition will click into place and finally make us feel whole. I’ve had some of those milestones. On paper, I’ve looked successful. Sometimes I even felt that way. But there were also plenty of nights when I asked myself: What’s all this been for?

And I don’t mean that in a bitter way. I mean it in a human way. Because I’ve realized that every step, every pivot, every win, every “no,” has carried me here. It all matters! Especially when I approach it with gratitude. But I also had to unlearn the idea that “having it all” meant chasing a checklist someone else made.

These days, “having it all” looks like owning my joy. It means defining success on my terms. It means ambition only has power when it’s aligned with purpose. When you spend your life chasing goals that don’t belong to you (when you internalize corporate targets as personal dreams) you risk losing the very thing that makes your work meaningful. That’s the bedrock of burnout. Of toxicity. Of disconnection.

And for many of us? That’s exactly what’s happening.

A Glimpse Into the Keynote

This year, I sat in a workshop led by Dr. Susie Castellanos, just days after being laid off. I was exhausted. Anxious. Unmoored. And like so many of us, I had spent years burying fear so I could keep performing. Keep pushing. Keep showing up. But that day, I finally saw fear for what it was. It’s been a story I’d been telling myself. And for the first time, I had the tools to rewrite it.

That moment cracked something open in me. Not just professionally, but personally. Because fear shows up in every season of our lives: when we’re blooming, when we’re breaking, when we’re becoming someone new. And until we learn how to be in relationship with that fear, we’ll keep building lives (and tech careers) that aren’t really ours.

In my keynote at NC TECH's Summit for Women in Tech, I’ll be sharing stories I’ve never said aloud before. Not because I’ve figured it all out, but because I’ve finally stopped pretending I need to. I’ll be talking about joy, loss, ambition, failure, and what it really means to navigate a career as a woman in tech through all the seasons of your life.

And I’ll ask one question that changed everything for me:
What if your greatest success has nothing to do with your title?

Call to Reflection

So I’ll ask you:

What season are you in right now?
Are you blooming? Breaking? Rebuilding? Thawing out from your own personal winter?

What have you let go of this year?
An old title? A dream that no longer fits? The pressure to define your worth by someone else’s expectations?

What do you wish someone had told you before your last big transition?
Would you have paused longer? Asked different questions? Given yourself more grace?

You don’t have to answer out loud. But sit with it. Hold it close. Because the season you’re in (no matter how chaotic, quiet, or unfamiliar) is shaping something in you.

And it deserves to be witnessed.

You Belong in This Room

If you’ve ever felt like you were stuck in a blizzard while everyone else around you seemed to be blooming, come sit with us at the Summit for Women in Tech.

This isn’t a keynote about climbing the ladder faster. It’s about stopping long enough to ask yourself: What am I climbing toward? It’s about learning to move at the rhythm of your own life, honoring your joy, your grief, your ambition, and your evolution.

Because success isn’t a straight line. It’s a season. And you deserve to thrive in yours.

Learn more, meet the speakers, view the agenda, and register for the Summit for Women in Tech here.

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